The Gift of Silence

Dear Beloveds,

I had a bad feeling in my Uber on the way to LAX when my driver could not stop coughing and sneezing. Sure enough, after three days’ incubation period, I awoke in Seoul with a high fever, chills, body aches, horribly infected ears, and my throat felt as though a thousand dragons had taken up residence there. I could barely get out of bed to shuffle somewhere to find a bowl of hot soup and then stumbled around to find medicine. I must have been a sight to behold.

I spent the morning willing myself to feel better, and then took the 3 ½ hour journey to get to the prayer mountain for my personal retreat. It took three transfers on subways, trains, and a long taxi ride to finally arrive up at the retreat center, all the while feeling like Typhoid Mary as my symptoms worsened by the hour.

I arrived at night in the dark, and was given a cozy little room at the far end of the dorm. As the prayer retreat house is nestled deep in the mountains, my room was inhabited by all sorts of large insects, varieties that I had never seen; all over the desk, in my bathroom, and on my bed. I would have strange and alien companions surround me for the next few days.

I had a painful night’s sleep, and awoke the next morning feeling even worse, but also so thankful that I was not near anyone, and that no one was allowed to speak at the prayer house. Indeed, it felt as if I was the only one inhabiting the enormous compound most of the time. After a meager breakfast of a boiled potato, I took more medicine and ventured outside to take a prayer walk.

What a joyful surprise awaited me. The prayer retreat center had meticulously crafted a one to two hour prayer walk path modeled after the book Pilgrims’ Progress, an allegorical book written in the 1600’s by John Bunyan, complete with statues of every character enacting the entire story line. Along the way, I “met” Christian and all the lessons he learned on his journey to find the Celestial City. I have never experienced anything like it in my life, and even in my fever-induced stupor, I could feel God’s presence and the lessons that God wanted me to learn while on my walk. I had to stop many times along the way to catch my breath and to rest, but I was so grateful to have made it to the prayer retreat to see God’s face and to learn in this unique way.

Then to task of prayer: back in my room, I pulled out my long list of prayers that I had aimed to lift up to God: our broken and hurting world that seems so fragile right now, our wonderful church and all its people, those who are mourning loss, friends who are battling cancer; I lifted up relationships, people near and far, questions, worries, fears and hopes for our world.

But besides having everything set aside and suspended to create a time for prayer, the thing I appreciated the most was the silence-- total silence. There were no radios or TVs, no sounds of traffic or leaf blowers; not even the sound of other voices. The only sound that would break the silence was the occasional buzzing of large insect wings on my bed and around my ears.

While I was relishing this silent time, the irony was not lost on me that my father struggled with a serious hearing loss the last 20 years of his life. By the time he passed, he was almost completely deaf. He lived in a silent world every single day.

So, as it is with everything, realizing balance is the key. It is a wonderful gift to receive silence in the midst of our busy lives, and in spending time in silence, we can find out what we will really hear. And then, in the same mind, appreciating the gift of hearing—even if it is the sound of an annoying bug.

With great love for you,

Pastor Grace